I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
