no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
