She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
