I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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