I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
