I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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