im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
