becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
