Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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