Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
