just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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