break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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