I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
