They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
