Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
