I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
