The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
