I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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