I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
