I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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