Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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