she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
