Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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