It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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