Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
