He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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