So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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