Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
