My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
