You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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