I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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