If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
