Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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