We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
