Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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