Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sext me about skeletons
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
