I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
