the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
