Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
