Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
