5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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