So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
