you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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