its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
