I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
