Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
