Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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