I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
