ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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