Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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