Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
