So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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