I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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