I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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