TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
